15> Anti-terrorist cruise missile blown off course "just happens" to land on Ken Starr.
14> Drop in barometric pressure causes unexpected Viagra failure and results in a sudden surge in Trans Am purchases.
13> In Florida, howling of winds drowns out howling from Kennedy Compound.
12> Same $100 million hurricane damage in the Carolinas only costs $23.89 dollars in Alabama.
11> Employees at the Olean factory have no problem with orders to evacuate immediately.
10> Pamela Anderson experiences whiplash as breasts fly in opposite directions.
9> Jesse Helms actually observed leaning slightly to the left.
8> South Carolinians can now projectile-vomit over 430 feet!
7> Drop in barometric pressure causes girl-scout cookies to swell so large that they're temporarily worth six bucks a box.
6> Inexplicable changes in Al Roker's magnetic field.
5> Sudden shortage of Springer guests, as incest and promiscuity take a back seat to gettin' the ol' trailer right-side up again.
4> Headlines with the word "blow", but no mention whatsoever of Monica.
3> Pre-storm rush allows supermarkets to finally get rid of old stock of Spam and Zima.
2> Earl the plywood salesman starts tippin' fives at the topless club.
1> White House interns get time off while the President drops his pants and lets nature take its course.
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
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