The Bald Man

A bald man with one leg wanted to go to a fancy dress party but he didn't know
what to go as. He wrote to a fancy dress company and asked for a recommendation.
The reply came back saying that he could go as a monk because of his bald head.
He replied angrily saying that they were just being rude about his bald head.
The company apologized and wrote back saying that he could go as a pirate, his
bald head could be covered by the hat and his wooden leg would complement the
outfit. He replied angrily saying they were just being rude about his wooden
leg.
A few days later he received a parcel with a note. In the parcel was a pot of
sticky toffee and the note said smear the toffee over your head, stick your
wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple!