So Voldemort is in a dark place somewhere...

...i don't know where the fuck this guy is staying but it's fukn depressing as fuck. Like, dark clouds and cockroaches and shit. And he's just sitting there randomly with 3 arms. He has 2 dementors as pets...

He really loved those dementors cause they kept him company from his dark mind, and the dementors have allloot of souls sucked up, cause, you know...they're fukn dementors.
They live and breath people's souls...Anyways.

Fukin Hitler walks in and is like, "Nein!!!!! Nein!!!! and is mad at Voldemort. Like, he doesn't want to kill Voldemort, he's just annoyed cause he's so fukin depressing.
So then Stalin walks in and he's fukn pissed too
"Fukin Voldemort!"
and he drinks an entire bottle of the finest vodka and hurls it to the ground; shattering it into itty bitty pieces,
"Fukn Voldemort, you little bitch"
Then Osama walks in and does the whole screaming terrorist shit,"Allahlalalalalalalalalalalala!!!!!" but he doesn't run towards Voldemort and blow up cause he can just use other terrorists to do that shit for him. Osama could feel Voldemort's pain, but he wanted the Dark Lord to use his feelings for great things and not be annoying.

Anyways so all the evil people of history come and you can get the picture. Pol, Ted, Kim, Cartman with a Hitler moustache, fuckin even Saddam Hussein comes and is like, "Damn Voldemort, you be lookn kinda sexy right now. 'I wonder how warm his asshole is...hmm'" *imagination*
ok.
so.
All the evil dudes are talking to each other and they're all agreeing that Voldemort is being a little bitch. But they can't kill him because of those fucking dementors. So randomly, Snape tries to reassure these bastards, "You guys do realise you're already dead, right?...so the dementors can't steal your souls..." but Evil can sense Evil and Snapes Evil meter was kind of low, so they offed him. Very easily.

Mao Zedingdong was especially mad, even though he appeared calm and happy outwardly, "Just stop!.....No...No...don't you stare at me, nope...Voldy....come on you little fuck....don't be staring at me like that....don't be giving me the creep look!"
So when fukn Voldemort opens he's creepy ass eyes he just fukn....
man.
it's just so depressing thinking about Voldemort...
poor Voldy.
never got to kill Harry Potter.
Some say there's an alternate universe where Voldemort conquered over all...
But he didn't.

Poor, poor, voldy.
The saddest creepiest little bitch anyone knew.....
But Voldemort never cried. He just thought really hard. Cause he was fuckin Smart! Like Satan.

Fukin Satan used to be all second in command to the universe and shit and empathised with poor little Voldy. Anyways that's WAY the fuck off topic to the joke but whatever.
so where was i...
i haven't even got to the punchline yet.
hmm...
let me just finish the joke.
fuck.
so!

While all this Shit is going on, there are these creepy green ghosts flying around and of course, the cockroaches.
Fukn Voldemort loved cockroaches because they reminded him of the biggest cocks in the world. And yes I am talking about roosters. Voldy loved to get up early in the morning with the roosters and watch the sun rise. This nigga stared at the sun until he went blind so, it was kind of understandable why Voldemort had some creepy eyes and yes, he was weird.

All the evil people are still upset. Very very mad at Voldemort. So they argued for generations. Millions of years. And then they had a random staring contest. But fuckn Voldemort always won because he stared at the sun all the time.
man.
i always get to the punchline.
But i'm feeling kind of sad for poor little voldy. I mean,
not depressingly cuz voldemort IS an annoying little bitch.
aaaanyways...
*sigh*
so yeah.
ok now im on the verge of repeating myself, fuck.

So then.........this guy...this fukin random ass guy shows up with a sword. Like what the fuck...seriously! He was legendary too, but Hitler and Stalin were confused because he was good. Fuckin Aragorn from Lord of the Rings starts flailing his sword around all epically and shit, and all the evil dudes know this niggas a fictional character. They're like, "Seriously, how the fuck? What? Why are you here?"
And Aragorn be like, "Dude! I need my army for the 3rd Lord of the Rings movie! Wanna come?" Evil dudes: "Fuck yeah!"

So Aragorn takes Hitler, all those motherfuckers, and the green ghosts to fight the orcs and shit and be all epic in the movie.

But they lived a fantasy. And fukn Voldemort had the courage to stare at the sun and go blind.
...and shit
so
Aragorn is gone, hitler is gone, Stalin.......
fuck man
Voldemort is depressed
And his poor dementors don't even know WHAT the fuck just happened. Voldy just stood there. Actually, he sat. Cause he liked to meditate.
Fukn weird ass motherfucker.
so.
Voldy sat on his nice little pedestal and opened his eyes one last time. It was a stormy day in this dark place. Legends say God experiences times as if 1 day is 1000 years and 1000 years is a day. But fukn Voldermort? Time doesn't exisit. Because he's as old as the stars and watches them burn. He's not the Grim Reaper.
He just sits. Like a weird person. With his 3 arms (maybe 4 idk that guy IS pretty weird) and.
On the sad day when the universe ended and all the stars had burned out. Voldemort shed a single tear and smiled
for the first time in 1,000,556,223 years. And it was his birthday which was pretty cool. Fukn Stalin and Hitler can go live in a fukn fantasy. Voldemort..?
man.........................

And then, after this momentous day...after the universe ended.
It rained a different kind of rain.
You could smell it in the air. And it was brown. Yup. You guessed it. Roosters. Because Voldemort loved cockroaches
because they reminded him of being Fucked in the ass by Saddam Hussein. *cough* i mean, roosters.

tldr: and is very depressed.