The Top 15 Signs You've Lived With a Mathematician Too Long

15> His cute habit of converting every number to base seven is really starting to annoy you, because he insists on doing it 33 hours a day, 10 days a week!

14> He has his graduate students working on reconciling your irreconcilable differences.

13> The first thing you think of when you see her bend over is isosceles.

12> Ask him how much he loves you and he responds, "Okay... assuming that love can be expressed as a derivative of existence, which we'll call 'Z', and desire is a convergence subset of physical beauty in the Heisenberg 'observable universe' model..."

11> During sex, all she does is complain about the "dynamic coefficient of friction."

10> You only celebrate Fibonacci sequence anniversaries.

9> You wanted a really bad-ass tattoo, and were momentarily torn between a bleeding skull and a portrait of Gauss.

8> Your husband unexpectedly comes home early from work and enters your bedroom just in time to see a man run into the closet; when he opens it, two men dash for the front door, knocking him over. He looks at you and says: "You know, if I were to enter the closet now, it would be empty again."

7> He almost has you convinced that the more negatives in your relationship, the greater the absolute value.

6> "If you shut off your spreadsheets at 1:30 AM heading towards the bedroom at 5 MPH, and I've gone to sleep at 12:00 AM after another session with my vibrator, what are the odds that you're getting any?"

5> When you ask where he's been all night, he refers you to the previous excuse which has already been accepted as a proof.

4> Every time you talk about your ex, your lover feels compelled to solve him.

3> Using only the Transitive Property, the Corresponding Angles Postulate, the Angle Addition Assumption, and the Angle Congruence Theorem, you're pretty sure you've successfully argued yourself into a three-way.

2> During a romantic candlelight dinner, you accept his polynomial ring.

1> You went along with naming the kids Euclid, Archimedes, and Newton, but there's no way in hell you're going to yell for a dog named "Immanuel Fuchs."

[ The Top 5 List ]

[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]

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