Reading the signs: How to make shallow snap judgments
Taken from Women's Glibber The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those tiny giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person.
Train yourself to recognize - and decode these key "signs":
1. Woman won't unlock car door for man. -Doesn't engage in oral sex.
2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman. -No foreplay.
3. Man can't hail a cab. -Impotent.
4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant. -Prefers virgins.
5. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way there. -Is a virgin.6. Insists on going to a romantic, candlelight restaurant. -Compulsive Don Juan.
7. Insists on going to a homey little cafe. -Compulsive Don Quixote.
8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar. -Compulsive Don Ho.
9. Wants to go to a French restaurant. -Will swallow.
10. Wants to go to a deli. -Won't swallow.
11. Uses Sweet n' Low. -Wears falsies.
12. Takes too long deciding what to order. -Has trouble reaching orgasm.
13. Orders salad dressing on the side. -Will give a hand job, but won't go "all the way". 14. Gives explicit orders to the waiter or waitress. -Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed.
15. Asks for extra rolls. -Will say she's using birth control when she's not, will get pregnant and sue.
16. Insists on ordering for you. -Thinks that you had an orgasm when you didn't.
17. Asks for "the usual". -Insists on missionary position only.
18. Asks what the specials are. -Will want you to use handcuffs.
19. Fills up on bread and crackers. -Premature ejaculator.
20. Doesn't finish everything on the plate. -Has already come.
21. Insists on having some of what you ordered. -Will make you sleep on the wet spot.
22. Changes mind after ordering. -Will never call you. 23. Changes tables. -Nymphomaniac.
24. Drinks decaf. -Fakes orgasm. (Female)
25. Orders in French. -Fakes orgasm. (Male)
26. Sends food back. -Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, and then try to borrow money.
27. Asks for detailed descriptions of the desserts. -Needs you to talk dirty during sex.
28. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers. -Wants a hand job.
29. Orders a dessert involving nuts. -Castrating bitch.
30. Wants to split dessert. -Is dying to move in with you and rearrange all your closets.
31. Credit card is refused. -Low sperm count.
32. Under tips waiter. -Small penis.
33. Under tipc parking valet. -Small penis.
34. Under tips cabbie. -Small penis.
35. Uses a toothpick. -Is trying to tell you size isn't everything.
36. Has a removable cassette player in car. -Pulls out repeatedly during sex.
37. Has a cellular phone in car. -Has a penile implant.
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