Guaranteed to Get You Slapped !!!

1. Why did God create woman?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.


2. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true
love?
The swallow


3. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
Phone her.


4. Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.


5. What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.


6. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.


7. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak [whole
week..!]


8. How many male sexists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark.


9. Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
refrigerator..


10. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.


11. How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.


12. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you,
what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.


13. How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.


14. How is a woman like a condom?
Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.


15. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
She knows she's given her last blow job.


16. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps
with everyone at the party except you.


17. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing
off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.


18. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.


19. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.