Signs Your Cow Has Mad-Cow Disease

Sure fire signs that your cow has mad-cow disease...

* Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.
* She refuses to let you milk her, saying, "Not on the first date."
* Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of her ears.
* Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.
* Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.
* Your cow demands to be branded with the "Golden Arches" logo.
* Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.
* Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.
* Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.
* She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.
* Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.
* Your cow starts smoking her grass rather than eating it.
* Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards.
* Your cow insists that she can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding her Hershey bars.
* Your cow asks you to brand her again, but only if you'll wear something sexy this time.
* Your cow purposely blinds herself with a dart and yells "Bullseye!"
* Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called "LaCream Abdul Milkbar."
* Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.
* Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out her nose.
* You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.
* Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows' cuds.
* Your cow believes it could really jump over the moon like in the nursery rhyme, if she had a really good run at it.