Redneck Computer Terms

"Hard drive" --

Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

"Keyboard" --

1. Place to hang your truck keys.
2. Whare you're supposed to put da keys so da wife can find 'em.

"Window" --

Place in the truck to hang your guns.

"Floppy" --

When you run out of Polygrip.

"Modem" --

1. How you got rid of your dandelions.
2. What you did to da hay fields last July. (from NetDummy Humor)

"ROM" --

Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.

"Byte" --

First word in a kiss-off phrase.

"Reboot" --

What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.

"Network" --

Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.

"Mouse" --

1. Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
2. What leaves those little turds in da cupboard.

"LAN" --

To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."

"Cursor" --

What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.

"Bit" --

A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."

"Digital Control" --

What yore fingers do on the TV remote.

"Packet" --

What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.

"Tab" --

The amount of money you owe the bartender out of your next paycheck.

"Space bar" --

Where aliens and astronauts go when they are thirsty.

"Backspace" --

The place in back of front seat of the car where you keep a case of beer.

"Alt" --

Form of verb "be" like, "I alt be gone now."

"Delete" --

The lighter object like, "Don't gimmy the heavy one, gimmy delete one."

"My Briefcase" --

What you put all your ol' stuff in when "she" gets mad at you.


"Shift" --

What you must do when blue lights come on.

"Disc" --

What you do before you plow, to level the ground.

"Ram" --

1. Dodge pick up truck.
2. Da hydraulic thing that makes da woodsplitter work.

"Rom" --

Wander: "Wher' ya goin?" "Ah dunnow. Recon I'll jus rom round"

"Refresh" --

Mix another Jack Daniels and 7.

"Browser" --

Bowser's name when you're drunk.

"Web" --

DUH? should be obvious. What spiders make, tickles yer butt when you gotta go while in the woods.

"Edit" --

Past tense of "eat" "Wher'd that leftover possum belly go?" " You edit afore you passed out las nite.

"Gig" --

Frogging implement; frog gig. Used while air boating. A bamboo, or fiberglass pole with straightened fish hooks on the business end for spearing frogs.

"Internet" --

Where her fish were when she caught em ( In er net).

"Buddy list" --

Names and phone numbers on the inside wall of the public outhouse above the hole.

"Tab" --

Ancient soft drink, used to mix low calorie drinks with white lightnin.

"Computer Chips" --

What you have when your computer takes a dump, sorta like cow chips.

The following were contributed by Jeremy (The Yankee Redneck).

"Shift" --

What you do to get that truck to go.

"Ins" --

To Enter, as in, "Ins ya go, outs you go".

The following were contributed by Sonovabic.

"Scanner" --

1. What you do to a good lookin' woman.
2. What you listen to the police band on.

The following were taken from Net Dummy Humor.

"Log On" --

Making da wood stove hotter.

"Log Off " --

Don't add wood.

"Monitor" --

1. Keep an eye on da wood stove.
2. What you do when you suspect your wife of cheatin. (from Tweetheart86chic)

"Megahertz" --

When a big log drops on your bare foot in da morning.

"Floppy Disk" --

What you get from piling too much wood.

"Drive" --

Getting home during most of the winter in Kentucky.

"Prompt" --

What you wish da mail was during the snow season.

"Enter" --

Come on in.

"Windows" --

What you shut when it gets 10 below.

"Screen" --

What is a must during black fly season.

"Chip" --

What you munch during Wildcat's games.

"Microchip" --

What's left in da bag when da chips are gone.

"Dot Matrix" --

Eino Matrix's wife.

"Laptop" --

Where da grandkids sit.

"Software" --

Them plastic picnic utensils, eh?.

"Mainframe" --

Da part of da sauna that holds up da roof.

"Port" --

Where da commercial fishin boats dock.

"Random Access Memory" --

Whan you can't remember how much you spent on da new deer rifle when Wifee asks about it.

This is from an unknown source.

"Fonts" --

That really cool guy from the show, Happy Days.

"Laptop" --

Where the stripper sits.