Original VooDoo Dick. *Long Joke* NSFW

You asked for it fellow redditors, so here it is.


Eager to keep his wife out of trouble while he was away on a long business trip, a businessman went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. After browsing through the dildos for something special, he decided to consult the old guy behind the counter.

The old man said. "We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except....." he stopped.

"Except what?" the business man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need SOMETING!"

"well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'VooDoo Dick.'" The old man reached under the counter, pulled out an old wooden box with strange symbols, and opened it. There lay a very ordinary-looking Dildo.

The businessman laughed, and commented that it looked like every other dildo in this shop.

"But You haven't seen what it'll do," said the proprietor. He pointed to a door and said, "VooDoo Dick, the door." The VooDoo Dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook, then started to split down the middle, at which point the old man commanded, "VooDoo Dick, back in your box!"

The VooDoo Dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man said it wasn't for sale, but finally surrendered it for seven hundred dollars, in cash. Pleased as punch, the businessman gave his wife the gift, explained that all she had to do was say "VooDoo Dick, my pussy" is she got lonely, and set off on his business trip.

After a few days, the wife grew unbearably horny. Feeling a little foolish, she opend the box and said tentatively, "VooDoo Dick, my pussy!" The VooDoo Dick shot out of the box, made a beeline for her crotch, and started pumping away. It was fabulous, like nothing she'd ever experienced before, and she lay back and enjoyed the rush of pleasure. after three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough and reached to pull out the dildo. It wouldn't budge. Nothing worked. The VooDoo dick was stuck, thrusting away. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to turn it off.

Desperate, she pulled on a skirt, got in the car, and headed for the hospital, nearly fainting with excitement and exhaustion. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swear off the road, and to her horror, a squad car pulled her over. First the policeman asked her for her licence. Then, observing her disheveled state, he asked how much she'd had to drink.

Twitching and sweating, she gasped, " I haven't been drinking, officer. A VooDoo Dick is stuck in my pussy, and it wont stop screwing!"

"Sure lady," said the officer after another long look at her. "VooDOO Dick, My ass!"


I hope you enjoy =) This is not my own joke, it comes the "The Friars Club Encyclopedia of Jokes" and has many more jokes of this caliber in it!