[Long but worth it] A city boy decides he wants to go hunting one day...

...so he goes to the pawn shop and, not knowing any better, buys a handgun. He goes out into the woods looking for something to shoot at when he comes to a clearing and sees on the other side a bear! Imagining a helluva hunting story, he takes aim, shoots until he's out of bullets, and then runs across the clearing to claim his prize. He looks around behind the bushes and doesn't see anything. Then he feels a tap on his shoulder.

He spins around and there's the bear! The bear says, "Look, buddy, I don't really appreciate being shot at. But I can see that you're new at this whole hunting thing so I'm going to give you a choice. You can let me maul you... Or you can let me fuck you in the ass." The guy thinks it over and decides he can always come back and kill the bear tomorrow, so he agrees to option 2. The bear does his thing and the guy goes home.

The next morning, the guy wakes up, sore as hell and pissed off. He limps to the pawn shop and buys himself a hunting rifle. He heads back out into the woods and soon finds himself at the same clearing. Sure enough, there's the bear on the other side. Again, he shoots every bullet he has and then runs over to make sure he got the bear this time. But once again, he feels a tap on his shoulder and behind him is the bear, looking pretty pissed off himself. "Ok asshole, same deal," says the bear. Figuring he'll get the bear tomorrow for sure, the guy agrees to be ass-raped again. So the bear does his thing, and the guy goes home.

The next day, the guy is fucking determined. He hobbles back to the pawn shop and buys a whole case of grenades. He heads back to the woods and just starts tossing them everywhere. After the smoke clears, he goes back to where the clearing used to be, hoping to find some charred fur or bear chunks to prove he's killed the bear this time. But he feels a tap on his shoulder *again* and the bear says, "son, you aren't in this for the hunting, are you?"