Lessons For Life

Lesson Number One


A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit


saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do


nothing all day long?"


The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground


below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped


on the rabbit and ate it.


Moral of the story:


To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high


up.


Lesson Number Two


A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get


to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the


energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?"


replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey


pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough


strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after


eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a


fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon


he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the


tree.


Moral of the story:


Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson Number Three


When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The


brain said, " I should be Boss because I control the whole body's


responses and functions." The feet said, " We should be Boss as we


carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands


said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all


the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and


the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.


All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So


the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.


Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the


feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain


fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the


Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the


work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!


Moral of the story:


You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.


Lesson Number 4


There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a


pile of fresh cow manure. Since it had been hours since his last


meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally,


he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten


too much though, and could not get off the ground. As he looked


around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up


against the wall. He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off,


thinking that once he got airborne, he would be able to take flight.


Unfortunately, he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splatting when


he hit the floor. Dead.


The moral to the story is: Never fly off the handle when you know


you're full of shit.