Hey, Monkey!!(x-post from r/funny)

So this lizard is walking through the jungle and thinking to himself "Lizard, I haven't gotten high in soooooooooo long. What I wouldn't do for some fire right now." And - at that very moment - he smells what could be the smelliest, stankiest, most amazing smelling weed he's ever smelled. Obviously, he decides he needs to find that shit.

So Lizard follows his nose, Toucan Sam style, and sure enough, it leads him to the chillest looking monkey in all the land. He's puffing on one of the largest banana leaf blunts Lizard's ever seen (mind you, he IS small), and as monkey is sitting high up on a branch, Lizard has to shout - "Hey, Monkey! Monkey, man, that bud smells AMAAAAAZING!!! Cool if I climb this here tree and hang with you a while?" Monkey, obviously being one of the coolest creatures ever conceived, immediately invites Lizard up the tree, and they get to smokin'.
So Monkey and Lizard have been smoking this blunt for what seams like an hour, and Lizard realizes he is starting to get the stickiest of cottonmouths. "Monkey, I'm dying, bro" he says. "Where can I get something delicious to drink around here?" Monkey immediately responds "Are you in luck or what, Lizard. There happens to be the clearest, coolest, most crystalline spring not two hundred yards that-a-way" (pointing directly behind them all the while). So Lizard scurries down the tree and heads for the spring.

Now, mind you, Lizard is quite a small lizard. So a two hundred yard jaunt still takes him a bit. But, once he gets there, he is amazed by the spring. The clarity, the coolness, the tastiness - all the Lizard had hoped and more. But, just as Lizard is getting his drink on, a monster of a crocodile comes swimming up - all quick a sneaky like. Lizard, obvi, is freaking the fuck out. His life flashes before his eyes (like, all week and a half of it) and he's totally shitting himself like any god-fearing lizard would. But, against all odds, Crocodile stops and says "Lizard! You are the stoniest looking little guy I've seen this side of - well - anywhere! I haven't had a good smoke in yeeeeeears! Where can I get where you're at, bro???" Now, Lizard is still a little freaked out, but in his head, he's like "YOLO, bro", so he points the Crocodile in the right direction. "Super cool monkey", he says. "Dankest weed ever", he says. Crocodile is in.

Now, Crocodile is way faster than Lizard. So understandingly, he makes it there a considerable amount of time ahead. As Lizard was pretty good at direction giving, even for a stoned little dude, Croc finds Monkey right away and hails him. "Monkey! Monkey, man, that weed smells dank as fuck! Can I come hang with you a while and get lifted?"

Monkey takes one look at Crocodile and shouts..."GaDAAAAAAM, Lizard!!! How much did you drink?!?!?!?!"