Classified Funny Ads

�Include your children when baking cookies!


�Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted


�Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says


�British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands


�Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.


�A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.


�Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.


�For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.


�For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.


�Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.


�Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.


�Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory


�Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.


�We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.


�No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.


�For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.


�Great Dames for sale.


�Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.


�Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.


�20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.


�Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.


�Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.


�If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.


�Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.


�The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.


�Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.


�Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.


�Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.


�Stock up and save. Limit: one.


�Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.


�We build bodies that last a lifetime. Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.


�This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.


�For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.


�For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.


�Man, honest. Will take anything.


�Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.


�Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.


�Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.


�Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!


�Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.


�Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.


�Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.


�Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.


�3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.


�Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.


�Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.


�Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.


�See ladies blouses. 50% off!


�Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.


�Illiterate? Write today for free help.


�Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.


�Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.


�Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.


�Mother's helper--peasant working conditions.


�Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.


�And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.


�We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.