A Collection of Stupid Warnings

Homelite Zip Start Vac Attack Blower:
Do not point blower in direction of people or pets.
(Wild animals are presumably okay?)

Bono 527 Multi-Purpose Cement:
Exposure may result in confusion.
(Anyone who sniffs glue is more than confused)

Bowl-Fresh Automatic Toilet Cleaning Tablets:
Harmful if swallowed.
(I know a kid who can put a whole orange in his mouth- but that's beside the point)

Sunbeam Simple Press Iron:
To prevent burn injury, keep hand away from heated area.
(I had no idea intense heat could BURN you! Go figure!)

Hungry Jack Lite Syrup:
Caution: Syrup bottle may be hot.
(After lengthy instructions on how to heat the bottle.)

50 Water Balloons:
This bag is not a toy.
(Yes indeed, it's the real thing!)

9 Piece Super Bouncers Bouncing Balls:
This toy is a small ball.
(Apparently that's a bad thing.)

Tagamet HB2000:
Do not take if you are allergic to Tagamet HB2000 or other acid reducers.
(You would think the name is enough of a hint not to take Tagamet if you're allergic to Tagamet.)

Gold Dial Soap:
Use Gold Dial Soap as you would use ordinary soap.
(What would happen if you used as EXTRAordinary soap?)

Bath & Body Works Moisture Rich Body Lotion:
Caution: This is not a toy.
(I suppose some people think that moisture rich lotion is a toy. Maybe in California.)

Mr. Bubbles Body Wash for Kids of All Ages:
Caution: Keep out of reach of young children.
(I don't even know what to say to this.)

Diflucan 150 mg tablet for yeast infection:
If overdose is suspected, contact your local poison control center or emergency room immediately.
(It comes in a container with one tablet in it.)

Wal-Mart Sheriff Gun Set:
Never point or shoot a gun at anyone.
(Some would say it is also important to be able to discern between a toy and the real thing.)

Pampers Bibsters:
Choking may result from anything babies put in their mouths.
(Obviously, a safe baby is a starved baby.)


All of these warnings and witty remarks were found in "Wearing Of This Garment Does Not Enable You To Fly," by Jeff Koon and Andy Powell.