Women in General

Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them.

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A $100 bill.

How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let her do the dishes in the dark.

What do toys and womens breasts have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with them.

What is love?
The delusion that one woman differs from another.

Monkeys and girls both are same.
They fight only for bananas. Boys and rats are same; they search only for holes.

Why did God create lesbians?
So feminists couldn't breed.

Why do women talk so much?
Because they have two sets of lips.

What's the difference between your bonus and your dick?
You don't have to beg a woman to blow your bonus.

Why is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the shit out of you.

Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.

What is the difference between a cheap hooker and an elephant?
One rolls on its back for peanuts and the other one lives in a zoo.

What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman who won't do as she's told.

Why are wives like condoms?
They both spend too much time in your wallet, and not enough time on the end of your dick.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

How many men does it take to fix a vacuum cleaner?
Why the hell should we fix it? We don't use the damn thing.

Why do women love orgasms?
Because it gives them another reason to moan.

What is a wife?
An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.

How are women like parking spaces?
The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

Why do women have tits?
So men will talk to them.

What do girls and camels have in common?
They both have camel toes.

Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand to see a man having a good time.

Why is our salary like a women's period?
It comes once in a month,lasts only for four or five days and if any month it does not come it means your fucked.

Women are like orange juice cartons.
It's not the shape or size or even how sweet the juice is; its getting those damn flaps open.

Why did the woman cross the road?
Who cares - what was she doing out of the kitchen anyway?

What does the woman who just got out of an abusive relationship do?
It better be the damn dishes!