Which is Best?

CONTROVERSY: Should the tree be real or fake?


YUPPIE: Live tree, planted after use


MALE: Fake tree, discarded after use


FEMALE: Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits


REALITY: Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with fur-balls


CONTROVERSY: Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?


YUPPIE: Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm


MALE: Bulbs flash logo of football team


FEMALE: Elegant flickering candles


REALITY: Tree bursts into flames, burns house down


CONTROVERSY: Should tree be topped with an angel or a star?


YUPPIE: Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype


MALE: Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt


FEMALE: Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas


REALITY: Hell's Angel steals the tree and the gifts


CONTROVERSY: Do ya fling or hang tinsel?


YUPPIE: Empower each strand w/self-determining skills


MALE: Six large clumps of tinsel on front of tree


FEMALE: Each icicle hangs like strand of delicate artwork


REALITY: More icicles on floor than on tree


CONTROVERSY: Do ya open gifts on Christmas Eve or morning?


YUPPIE: Gifts opened on posted, individual schedules so all enjoy surprise


MALE: Anytime, just so it doesn't interfere with football


FEMALE: Anytime the entire family is present


REALITY: Doesn't matter, everyone's peeked anyway


CONTROVERSY: Ham or Turkey for Christmas Dinner


YUPPIE: Baked Tofu Balls stuffed with wheat germ


MALE: Anything, as long as there's plenty of both it - and beer


FEMALE: A meal the entire family plans and prepares


REALITY: Chinese carry-out or McDonald's