We're doing married golfer jokes now?

One day a man and his wife are golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, doglegs right around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that the strokes that it will take to get around the barn will destroy his score, he begins to rant and rave. His wife hating to see him ruin such a great afternoon makes a suggestion.

"What if I were to hold open the barn doors? That way you could send it right through the barn onto the green."

He thinks this over and decides that it will work. With his wife holding open the barn door he lines up with the hole and gives the ball a terrific "Whack"! The ball shoots through the air and right into the head of his wife, killing her instantly.

Months go by, the man mourning all the while. His friends, hating to see him in such a state, convince him to go golfing with them. They end up at the same course and on the final hole, oddly enough, another terrible slice puts the old barn between his ball and the green. The man is about to punch his ball back to the fairway so he can have a clear shot at the green when his friend makes a suggestion. "What if I were to hold open the barn doors? That way you could send it right through the barn onto the green."

The man replies, "No. I already tried that once and it ended up horribly."

"What happened?," his friend asked.

"I got a double bogey on this hole."


>A man and his buddies are about to tee off on the first hole, which happens to be near a street, when a funeral procession starts to drive by. The man steps back from his address, takes off his hat, puts it across his heart and watches silently as every car drives by and out of sight.

>One of his buddies, truly inspired, remarked, "Wow that was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen."

>The man started to address the ball again before saying, "It was the least I could do. We were married for 35 years after all."


One day a man and his wife are golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, doglegs right around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that the strokes that it will take to get around the barn will destroy his score, he begins to rant and rave. His wife hating to see him ruin such a great afternoon makes a suggestion.

"What if I were to hold open the barn doors? That way you could send it right through the barn onto the green."

He thinks this over and decides that it will work. With his wife holding open the barn door he lines up with the hole and gives the ball a terrific "Whack"! The ball shoots through the air and right into the head of his wife, knocking her out.

Later at the hospital, the doctor talks to the man about his wife's status. "She's in stable condition for now. The swelling in her brain has stopped, and it looks like she will make a full recovery. However, upon her physical examination, we were surprised to find a golf ball in your wife's rectum. Do you have any idea how that may have gotten there?"

"Oh!" says the husband, "That was my mulligan"


>A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

>“Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows.”

>“We went to look for them and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.

>"I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was the golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it, stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake.”

>“What did you do?” asks the doctor.

>“Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'”