Voodoo Dick.

A man was going to go off on a business trip for two weeks. Not wanting to leave his wife wanting, he decided to get something to keep her "satisfied".

He spotted an adult store and decided to check it out. Walking around the store, he saw all sorts of toys and gadgets of pleasure. Dildos and vibrators of all shapes and sizes filled the aisles, almost overwhelming him.

The store's clerk spotted him and asked if he was looking for anything in particular.

"Uh, I'm looking for something that can keep my wife happy for two weeks. You know, something special" replied the man.

"Ah, I have just the thing. The new Bolto should do just fine. 10 inches of pure power, it's sure to satisfy any lady", said the clerk.

"Nah, that's not impressive enough. I need something really unusual to pleasure her."

"How about the Rumble Rod? My customers tell me stories of them orgasming within seconds of using this product?"

"Look, my wife and I have the best sex in the world, and I need a product that can match that. Surely you have something?" said the man.

After deliberating for a minute, the clerk goes into the store room and comes out with an ornate ebony box.

"This my friend, is the Voodoo Dick." said the clerk.

"Okay, what's so special about it?" said the man.

"Allow me to demonstrate. 'Voodoo Dick! The door!!!'"

Suddenly, a massive black wooden phallus shoots out of the box and heads straight for the door, pummelling it until it's reduced to splinters.

"And to return it to the box, you just say 'Voodoo Dick! The box!!! "

Immediately, the Voodoo Dick returns to the box.

"Wow!" says the man. "I gotta get this".

"I'm sorry, but it's not for sale", replies the clerk.

"Come on, I need to have it. Tell you what, I'll pay you $50,000 for that."

"Well, I guess I can do that. It's a deal." says the clerk.

The man, satisfied with his purchase, returns home to his wife. He presents the box to her and tells her how to use it.

"You see, all you have to do to use it is to say 'Voodoo Dick', then say the location of where you want it to go. Understand?"

"Oh wow", says the wife. "I can't wait to try it."

The next day, the man leaves for his business trip. After a hew hours, the wife starts feeling horny. She decides that it's time to take out the Voodoo Dick.

After taking off her underwear, she says "Voodoo Dick! My pussy!!"

Immediately, the Voodoo Dick shoots out and starts hammering her pussy. The lady is in awe, it's the best sensation she's ever had, even better than sex with her husband. She orgasms several times and decides that she's had enough. She tries to pull the Voodoo Dick out but it won't budge.

In panic, she takes a pair of pliers and tries grabbing on to it, but it keeps on hammering her.

Apparently, in his excitement, her husband had forgotten to tell her how to stop the Voodoo Dick.

Barely able to stand up, she gets to her car and starts rushing to the hospital. She blazes down the highway going 50 over the speed limit. Within minutes, she spots a police car behind her and pulls over.

A policeman steps out and walks to her window. "Ma'am, do you know how fast you were going?" he asks.

The woman, barely able to keep her composure struggles to speak "Y-y-y-yes off-f-fficer. You s-see, I have this V-v-voodoo Dick in my vagina and I'm rushing to the ho-ho-hospital to get it out?

"A what you say?", replies the officer.

"A Voodoo Dick" says the woman.

"A Voodoo Dick?! Pfft, Voodoo Dick my ass."