I was waiting on a table of a big family. 7 of them, three kids, mom and dad, and grandma and grandpa. Grandma was your typical OLD OLD OLD grandma. In a wheelchair with a blanket over her legs, looked like one of those apple dolls, spoke in a whisper.
She sees my tattoos, grabs me with her bony hand, and says "you know dear..... I have a tattoo too......" and her husband says "Grace, leave her alone, she's working" I'm curious, I'm nosy, so I say "Oh really, of what?" Grandpa rolls his eyes and goes "here we go...".
Grandma says "It's ... a tiny ... little ... mouse" using the best of her ancient breath to get the words out. "would you like to see it?". Um hell yeah I wanna see a 90 year old's tattoo! She goes "it's on my hip, hold on" and pulls her blanket off and then starts trying to pull her skirt down. Her old lady flesh is totally exposed to the sun (we were on a patio) and I'm using menus to try to shield her, I was that worried it would just burst to flames or something. She keeps pulling at her clothes going "hmmm now where is it, where is it..." getting dangerously close to seeing old lady pubes now.
Finally she looks up at me and say "Well, you know what... It's gone! I bet my pussy ate it."
Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1zyn3x/waiters_of_reddit_what_fucked_up_shit_have_you/cfy7uaa
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.