Voice activated arm

A guy was in a horrible accident and lost his right arm.

This was a huge loss for him. This was his shooting arm, his writing arm, his....single-player intimacy arm. He used the arm (and attached hand) for everything.

Good for him that a doctor had just completed building some great new technology: the Voice Activated Arm (tm) - patent pending.

Upon waking up for the first time since the accident, he was greeted by a kindly doctor sitting by his hospital bed. Looking down the man sees all the needles and tubes going into him, and asks what happened.

The kind old doctor explains the situation, and with a pregnant pause began to explain the depth of his physical damage -- broken ribs, busted lip, and of course his missing arm.

The man looks down and to the right. He doesn't *feel* different. His arm looks no different.

The doctor explains that it is voice activated -- tell it what to do preceded by "voice activated arm..." and if it can, it will follow the command.

Well this seems too space-age to be real, so he decides to not ponder it immediately, and to get some rest.

Fast forward 6 weeks and the man has been out of the hospital for 3 of those weeks, constantly dodging the calls of the doctor, because he doesn't need false hope. He finally gets tired of being useless and frustrated, and decide to finally call the doctor back.

The man first states,
>Doc, I know you said this arm was high tech, but it just dangles uselessly at my side.

The kindly doctor responds,
>As I tried to explain at the hospital, the arm is voice activated. You must give it command in much the same way you would a computer. For example, if you wanted to open a door, you would say "voice activated arm, open door." Now, you can stack commands, like "voice activated arm, open fridge. Grab beer." This will instruct your arm to first open the fridge, then grab a beer


To this, the man replies,
>I'm not sure, doc, but I'll give it a try...


Later that day, he had to use the restroom. As soon as he got in there, he realized this was a perfect time to test the arm. He didn't want to be in public talking to his arm just yet.

First, the man opens with
>Voice activated arm, unzip pants


Zip


>Cool. Ok. Voice activated arm, whip my dick out. Aim towards toilet


Out it comes. Dead center aim acquired.


>Fucking amazing. Hey. This feels pretty good. Jerk it off.


The arm promptly detached the man's salamander.

>FUCK ME !



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*yes, I know this is old. Not my invention, but it's my unique telling. First time posting to /r/jokes, so be brutal... Wait -- the other thing.

Also, wrote all this on phone, and am trying to fix formatting.