Types of men...

Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?"


Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup


Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts


Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy


Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV."


Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk


Advantages: Stays put; predictable


Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass


Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."


Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you


Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled


Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle


Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."


Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n' Dumb


Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled


Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig


Lazybones - "Zzzzzz"


Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict


Advantages: Well rested; easy target


Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams


The Sneak - "Who, me?"


Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch


Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt


Disadvantages: May be having time of his life


Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?"


Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster


Advantages: Perpetually aroused


Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused


The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but..."


Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind


Advantages: Tells good stories


Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"


Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?"


Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy


Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer


Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction