Two peanuts were walking down the street..

Peanut 1: “I can’t believe Jerry from accounting earlier”
Peanut 2: “I know right. Who does he think he is, calling me nuts”
Peanut 1: “Ah well, we can spread some rumours around the office about him tomorrow.”
Peanut 2: “That makes us seem so salty though”
Peanut 1: “Who cares? Anyway, could you explain how to file those records again? I didn’t quite cashew it”
Peanut 2: “Well, in a nutshell, it’s a simple alpha-numeric system”
Peanut 1: “Oh, there’s my ride, I gotta fill up my tank at the Shell Station. Catch ya later!”

As Peanut 2 continued walking down the dark and murky streets of the Big Apple alone, he heard a lurking man behind him. A peanut with a gun ran up from behind and screamed “Give me all your cash-ew!” he was then shot in the heart and fell unconscious. When he woke up, his vision was in a haze-lnut, and all he could say was that he was “a salted” before falling unconscious again

Peanut 1 had managed to get his friend to a hospital and under the knife, but he was still tense waiting for answers. After a long and agonizing wait, the Nutty Professor finally appeared. He told Peanut 1, “I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through... The bad news is that he’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life.”

Sorry if you found that joke a-corny