Translations Gone Bad

The following our signs seen overseas where the actual message of the signs
became somewhat lost in the English translation.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you will
be unbearable.

In a Belgrade elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter
more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then
going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 & 11 am

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian orthodox Monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel for skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of

On a menu in a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On a menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beer soup with cheesy dumplings in the
form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country
people's fashion.

In a Tokyo hotel:
Please take advantage of the chambermaids.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

In a Hong Kong dress shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in
strict rotation.

From the Soviet weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of the Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic
painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

In an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown
in the bulk of their workers.

In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the porter.

In Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of
different sex, for instance, men & women, live together in one tent unless they
are married for that purpose.

An ad by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

A Russian chess book:
A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been

In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for the ladies from their own skin.

On a box of a clockwork toy in Hong Kong:
Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kyushu, Japan:
Stop---Drive sideways.

Swiss mountain inn:
Special today--no ice cream.

Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the
guard on duty.

A notice in a Japanese hotel (ca. 1950):
Please not to steal towels. If you are not person to do such, please not to
read notice.

Office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find that they are best in the
long run.

Japanese instructions on an air conditioner:
Cooles & Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please
control yourself.

Car rental brochure in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him
melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him
with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
English well talking. Here speaking American.

A sign on the lion cage at a zoo in the Czech Republic:
No smoothen the lion

A Finnish hotel's instructions in case of fire:
If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window.

In a Japanese restaurant (ca. 1950):
We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone.

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