(didn't post the last batch, so here's all of the recent ones)
4/28
Los Angeles police are looking for a vandal that spraypainted a police horse. The horse didn’t get a good look at the suspect because it was dark, and because the horse has no idea that it’s a cop.
Billionaire Richard Branson is hosting a digital currency summit on his private Caribbean island.
So he’s one golden gun away from being a James Bond villain.
In Michigan, a girl with cancer was expelled from middle school because she’d had too many absences. The school’s attitude is, if you’re healthy enough to go out and get cancer treatment, you’re healthy enough to go to class.
China is cracking down on funerals that hire strippers to perform. The biggest problem with the funerals, is that too many people are showing up.
...proponents of the funeral strippers say it’s nice to see the departed get one final lapdance.
In Atlanta, Lil Wayne’s tour bus was shot multiple times. Making Lil Wayne’s tour bus another of many inanimate objects, that have more street cred than Lil Wayne.
In Nigeria, a woman divorced her husband because his penis was too big. The woman described her husband’s penis as really long, hairy, and had a foot on the end of it.
4/20
In Iowa, a man called the police to report that his bag of dog poop had been stolen. Police already have the suspect in custody, and good news, they caught him brown-handed.
In Pennsylvania, a woman told police her car accident was caused by her parrot who was drinking coffee. Police questioned the parrot, but all it said was, “Polly want a latte!”
In Texas, a Walmart employee was arrested after stealing more than $230,000 dollars from the store. If convicted, the woman could be facing a life sentence as a Walmart greeter.
In Sierra Leone, schools closed due to an Ebola outbreak have re-opened after eight months. The schools are pretty dusty, so students are busy licking every surface clean.
Documents revealed that Ben Affleck kept PBS from revealing that his ancestors owned slaves. Affleck even tried to bribe one PBS executive by offering to give him Matt Damon.
...In reality, Ben Affleck’s ancestors never owned a slave, they just borrowed their neighbor’s slave once and never returned it.
A North Korean defector says that watching “The Interview” could cause North Koreans to revolt. And that’s just to get them to turn the movie off.
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