Topical Jokes (5/15)

FIRST OFF

To all the folks who have been reading, I cannot thank you enough. I am really enjoying writing these so it's super cool when people even remotely enjoy reading them. I owe a lot to the community of /r/jokes in helping boost my confidence.

On with the jokes!

**1**) O.J. is back again. O.J. says he wants ANOTHER trial to correct issues from his LAST trial. And rumor has it, if he goes to court just two more times, his punchcard coupon is filled and he gets the 2nd glove 50% off.

That was a little dark.

**2**) Let's move on. Lighter news. A man was caught trespassing while swimming on Taylor Swift's beachfront property. That man turned out to be Taylor's latest ex trying to swim to Cuba's state-controlled radio before her next song dropped.

**3**) More fluff, more fluff. James Franco has announced he is going to star in a movie based on a William Faulkner novel. Sources say the movie is about a trapped high schooler who spends 127 hours trying to understand any part of "The Sound and the Fury".

No more waffle taco jokes for now but we do have a new product on the horizon...

**4**) It looks like Burger King is working on a McRib rival product. But don't worry, McDonald's said it won't stand for any competition so they scoured their leftover cow parts to come up with the brand new hit sandwich, "The McPubis Cartilage"!

**5**) Strange story. It seems like LinkedIn is having issues with prostitutes making profiles. However, you can usually tell when it's a LinkedIn hooker because her goal statements are usually "To go up on the corporate ladder" and "To go down on your sweet corporate pole".

Okay, we're down to just a couple more. Can you take it?

**6**) TMZ reports that Kanye's Lamborghini recently got stuck in Kim Kardashian's driveway gate. Kanye said he would've folded in the mirrors but he just f-cking loved looking at his own face.

**7**) A sweet story. A little Wisconsin boy got a handwritten (you hear that? HANDWRITTEN) response from Joe Biden himself from a note he sent regarding gun control. It was tough to tell what was cuter, the boy's suggestion for guns that fired chocolate instead of bullets or the fact that Biden still confuses his q's and p's.

Okay, end scene. Those of you who have read these. I give you my sincere thanks. I read the jokes you post too (even when they're puns) and I enjoy them mightily! I'm glad we have such a great and supportive community here at /r/jokes and I hope you all keep stopping by to check out my stuff.

EDIT: I have a new content editor. Thank you, /u/globex_co !

EDIT: Please leave criticism! My goal is to make you laugh - not display non sequiturs to an uninterested audience.