Top Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airl

1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take
this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation
devices.


2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia.
If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an
extra pack of peanuts.


3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local
terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new commitment to make
your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.


4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!


5. Ummmmmm....Sorry......(silence)


6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have to go
back ....we ..we ....uhhhhhh ....forgot something.....


7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in
weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now.


8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving
tendencies uses when you get in the car).


9. This is your Captain speaking....these stupid planes are a lot different
than the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have to give me some leeway...


10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and
watched the in-flight movie.


11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and ... Oh
noooooooo!!!!!..


12. Don't worry! That one is always on E...


13. Get the parachutes ready...


14. Drinks are on me...


15. I'll have what the Captain's having...


16. Hey capt'n take another hit man...