Things Woman and Men Would Never Say

The Last Thing you would ever hear a woman say.....


1. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just
being friends.


2. Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche
that way.


3. I think hairy butts are really sexy.


4. Hey, get a whiff of that one.


5. Please don't throw that old t-shirt away, the holes in the
armpit are just too cute.


6. This diamond is way too big.


7. I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to
swallow.


8. Wow, it really is 14 inches!


9. Does this make my butt look too small?


10. I'm wrong, you must be right again.


11. I think belching is really sexy.


12. Sure, I'd love for us to have three-way sex with my best
friend.


13. Why don't you go out with your friends to see the strippers
tonight?


14. I could never be with any other man, but I don't mind at all
if you see other women.


15. I insist that you always put your mother before me.


16. I love a good cigar after sex.


17. I think we should spend our life savings and buy a big, old
bass boat.


18. Move over, I'm driving. I love city traffic.


19. The smell of oil and gas makes me horny. Let's do it on the
workbench.


20. That porn star Dixie Dynamite sounds like one heads-up
chick. I wish I could meet her one day.


21. It's so romantic when you pull out and cum on my back.


22. Let's skip that stage show with Mel Gibson and go watch the
Tyson fight at a bar.


23. Hey, we didn't have sex last night!


24. That shirt doesn't smell bad enough to need washing. Wear it
again today.


25. Your buddies tell the best stories. I could listen to them
all day.


26. I understand.


27. You don't swear enough.


28. I love it when you finger me while you drive.


29. Let's stay at that dirty, old motel on the highway. It's
cheaper and we can spend the money we save on beer.


30. Don't fix the toilet, I'll just keep going in the bushes
outside.


31. Sure, you can wear your old cowboy boots at our wedding.
They go with anything.


32. I think I'll call him up and ask him out.


33. Sleeping with all the guys on the softball team doesn't make
that girl a slut! She's just really friendly.


34. I farted again. Lift the covers so we can smell it.


35. Don't dirty a knife or fork, eat with your hands like me.


36. Oh yeah, any hole you want.


The Last Thing you would ever hear a man say......


1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.


2. While I'm up, can I get you a beer?


3. I think hairy butts are really sexy.


4. Her tits are just too big.


5. Sometimes I just want to be held.


6. That chick on "Murder, She Wrote" gives me a woody.


7. Sure I'd love to wear a condom.


8. We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I
can hold your purse.


9. Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.


10. I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for
directions.


11. Hey look, there's a wool and fabric shop! Let's go buy
something.


12. Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need more tampons?


13. What happened to my old Nancy Drew books?


14. Do these jeans come in lavender?


15. I love jogging dear, but I can't keep up with you. You go on
ahead.


16. This shower curtain doesn't have enough frills on it.


17. Damn, too bad this car isn't a four cylinder.


18. My butt's too big, don't lie, it's true. My butt's too big.


19. It's OK, I'll sleep in the wet spot.


20. I know you just blew me but I need a kiss.


21. I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.


22. Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again.


23. I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are
open when she's getting ready for bed? Maybe I should tell her.


24. No way, you weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.


25. Better get rid of these old Penthouse magazines. I don't
look at them any more.


26. I understand.


27. This movie has too much nudity.


28. Damn, we're late for church!


29. No, I don't want to see your sister's tits.


30. Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.


31. Over-sized t-shirts are so sexy, especially on really fat
chicks.


32. Slow down, you move too fast. You've got to make the morning
last.


33. Put some panties on for Christ's sake!


34. It's late. Put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.


35. No I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.


36. Hey, watermelon bathroom air-freshener pot-pourri. Let's get
some!