Things Rednecks Never Say...

• I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
• Duct tape won't fix that.
• Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
• Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
• We don't keep firearms in this house.
• Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
• You can't feed that to the dog.
• I thought Graceland was tacky.
• No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
• Wrasslin's fake.
• Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
• We're vegetarians.
• Do you think my hair is too big?
• I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
• Honey, do these bonsai trees need watering?
• Who's Richard Petty?
• Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
• Deer heads detract from the decor.
• Spitting is such a nasty habit.
• I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
• Trim the fat off that steak.
• Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
• The tires on that truck are too big.
• I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
• I've got it all on a floppy disk.
• Unsweetened tea tastes better.
• Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
• My fiancee, Betty Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
• I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
• Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
• Checkmate.
• She's too old to be wearing a bikini.
• Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
• Hey, here's an episode of Hee Haw that we haven't seen.
• I don't have a favorite college team.
• Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
• I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
• Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
• Elvis who?