The Zoo Has a Gorilla Problem... (2 Jokes for the Price of One!)

They aren't drawing the crowds they used to, and it's hurting their revenue in a big way. The owner of the zoo goes to Jerry, the gorilla keeper, to see what can be done. Jerry explains, "The female there is lonely. With no other gorillas to keep her company, she sits around depressed and doesn't do anything. Nobody wants to watch a gorilla sit around."

The owner of the zoo makes several calls but can't find a male gorilla that anyone will loan to the zoo, so he comes up with a plan. He goes to back to Jerry and says, "Look, I've got an idea. I've got a gorilla suit. Now all you would need to do is wear it in the cage for a few hours every day and just kind of... monkey around. So she doesn't feel so lonely, you know? You'll get your regular pay, plus $500 a week. Whaddya say?"

Jerry agrees, and the following day, he gets into the cage wearing his gorilla suit and starts milling around, doing what he would expect a gorilla to do. Before long, the real gorilla takes notice, gets up, and starts moving around, too. Visitors start to respond immediately, and a crowd starts to grow. Word gets out, and within a couple of weeks, business is booming again. That's how it goes for awhile, until one day, slowly, the people start to get bored with the gorilla exhibit again, and the crowds taper off.

The owner goes to Jerry again, "Jerry, I need you to spice things up. It's the same old boring stuff every day. You gotta get people's attention! Get the gorilla excited! Have fun in there!" So Jerry gets back in the cage and starts swinging around on the monkey bars, rolling tires, and generally being more active. The gorilla follows suit, and business picks back up.

Jerry starts to notice people becoming less interested, and he knows what needs to be done. He starts going wild, running, jumping, throwing things, beating his chest, swinging around like a maniac... but the gorilla suit is a little cumbersome, and he ends up slipping, mid-swing. He flies over the wall and lands right in the middle of the next enclosure over: the lion enclosure. The crowd erupts into chaos. Everyone runs to the lion enclosure to see if "the gorilla" is okay.

The fall knocked the wind out of Jerry, and it took him a few minutes to regain his bearings. After a long moment, he started to stand up, only to see a large lion, slowly walking straight toward him. He was frozen with fear. The crowd looked on as the lion stalked closer and closer. Jerry started to scream, "Help! H--" when the lion pounced, knocking Jerry flat on the ground. Jerry was terrified beyond belief. The lion hit Jerry across the face with its massive paw, and just as he was sure this was the end, he heard the lion say, "*Shut the fuck up, Jerry! You're gonna get us both fired!!*"

:)


**The zoo has a problem with their gorilla... (II)**

They aren't drawing the crowds they used to, and it's hurting their revenue in a big way. The owner of the zoo goes to Jerry, the gorilla keeper, to see what can be done. Jerry explains, "The female there has gone into heat, and with no males to mate with, she sits around depressed and doesn't do anything. Nobody wants to watch a gorilla sit around."

The owner of the zoo makes several calls but can't find a male gorilla that anyone will loan to the zoo, so he comes up with a plan. He goes to back to Jerry and says, "Look, I've got an idea. Now... *feel free to say no here.* NO PRESSURE. But... well... for $500, do you think you could you fuck the gorilla? Just one time? She should be back to normal after that, right?"

Jerry says, "I don't know about that, I mean... Well, $500 is a lot of money... and... I mean... I just don't know. I'll have to think about it." The owner of the zoo tells Jerry to sleep on it and give him an answer the following day at closing time, and he agrees.

The following day, Jerry is sweeping up as the last of the guests are leaving when he hears the zoo owner's voice behind him, "Did you think about my offer?" Jerry stops sweeping for a moment, turns around, sighs deeply and says, "Yeah, I did. I thought long and hard about it, and I need to talk to you." The zoo owner says, "Well, what do we need to talk about?" Jerry continues, "I'll do it. But I've got 2 conditions."

The zoo owner says, "Well, that's reasonable enough so far. What are they?" Jerry says, "Well, the first one--and this is not negotiable--is... well... I'm *not* kissin her. No way. Just straight sex, nothing else." The zookeeper, somewhat relieved and stifling a laugh, reassures Jerry, "Of course, that'll be fine. I don't think they really go for that sort of thing anyway. Just the old in-and-out. So what's the second condition?"

Hesitant, Jerry hangs his head for a moment. He shakes his head a few times, then looks the zoo owner in the eyes and says, "Well, I hope this isn't a deal-breaker, but... well... it's gonna take me a few days to come up with the five hundred bucks..."

:)