The Top 19 Signs You've Gone to the Wrong Tattoo Parlor

19> Only does patterns by Laura Ashley.


18> While working on your back, he keeps mumbling, "Damn,
you breathed again."


17> Sundays feature their "Number of the Beast" special.


16> Needles sterilized with a quick dip in a shot of Cuervo.


15> Recently had their grant revoked by the National
Endowment for the Arts.


14> Doesn't offer option between "young Elvis" and "Vegas Elvis."


13> A thousand head of cattle in the waiting room.


12> Artist keeps knocking back slugs from the bottle of
rubbing alcohol "just to steady the ol' nerves."


11> Work samples on the walls are actual pieces of skin.


10> "Whaddaya mean you DON'T want a swastika?!!?"


 9> You ask for roses intertwined around a logic
diagram of a basic 4-bit integer divide circuit, and they just
have NO IDEA.


 8> Your appointment is always being rescheduled to
accommodate some die-hard KISS fan.


 7> Mickey Rourke carried out on a stretcher as you
arrive.


 6> There is an indescribable, existential malaise in
the air.


 5> Tipper Gore in next chair getting her hair done.


 4> The only bikes parked outside are Schwinns and
Huffys.


 3> You're served petit fours and cappuccino while
waiting.


 2> Nothing sterile in sight, unless you count the
employees with their court-ordered vasectomies.


 1> Your "Jesus on the Cross" constantly mistaken
for "Gabe Kaplan Playing Golf."


[   The Top 5
List     
www.topfive.com   ]
[   Copyright 1996,
2005 by Chris White   ]