The Top 16 Signs Your Doctor's Degree Is Bogus (Part II)

16> Your gynecologist begins every exam with a hearty "Open sesame!"


15> His diploma states that he holds a "Doctor of Love" degree from Beaver State University.


14> He decides to share his "lubrication is for wussies" theory just before your prostate exam begins.


13> Closer inspection of his diploma reveals the "As Seen on TV" logo and Sally Struthers's signature.


12> His office is his '75 Nova and he invites you to the back seat for some medical marijuana.


11> He insists that the most important parts of a pelvic exam are "looking and tasting."


10> Colin Powell authenticates his diploma by reviewing it on a large projector screen, pointing out conclusive evidence of its authenticity.


9> Prostate exams should not include shots of tequila "to loosen you up a bit."


8> As you remove your shirt at his request, your dermatologist screams, "Yuck!! Is that a mole?!?"


7> He has a copy of "Dre's Anatomy" on his shelf.


6> Concerning your 103-degree fever and hacking cough, Dr. al-Sahhaf says, "The infidel viral dogs have never entered your gates. The sounds you hear are the screams of them committing mass suicide at your sweat glands."


5> He tells you it's cheaper to make your own colostomy bag with Ziploc bags and duct tape.


4> After giving you a rectal exam, he insists on lying next to you on the exam table and whispering the results in your ear.


3> When you tell him you think you have a staph infection, he says, "Hell, bring 'em all in -- I could use the extra business."


2> Asks if you've considered "putting Grandpa down."


1> Spends all 13 hours of labor shouting "Can you hear me now?" between your wife's legs.


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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]