The Top 15 Things You Don't Want to Hear From Your Stock Broker

15> "...and the best part about this Internet company you've invested in is that their list is *actually* 15 items -- that's like a 33% discount!"


14> "Allow me to illustrate: Suppose this ceramic coffee mug here represent your high tech portfolio and this cast iron paperweight the current economic trends..."


13> "No, I don't mean it's time to sell eBay, I mean it's time to sell everything you own *on* eBay."


12> "Oops, I had these charts upside down!"


11> "Can I call you right back? I've got my bankruptcy attorney holding on the other line."


10> "I know you said to buy Wal-Mart, but that little sock puppet doggie was just *so* cute..."


9> "I always forget... is 'bull' the good one or the bad one?"


8> "Enough about stocks. Do you know how much money you can make in black market kidney sales?"


7> "I don't understand -- this plan worked beautifully when they did it on 'The Sopranos.'"


6> "Please don't hang up -- I'm only allowed one call..."


5> "First, the good news: you won't have any problems with capital gains taxes this year..."


4> "I recommend rolling your last $100 into a blanket, a shopping cart and a case of Night Train."


3> "Your position in the market? Bent over, grabbing your ankles."


2> "I can't talk long -- I'm on my cell phone and the pavement is coming up *really* fast now..."


1> "So then I said, 'What the hell is a margin call?'"


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[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]