Confucious

"Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time."


"Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam."


"Virgin like balloon . . . one prick, all gone."


"Baseball wrong . . . man with four balls cannot walk!"


"Work to become, not to acquire."


"Baby conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard."


"A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose."


"Find old man in dark, not hard!"


"Man who smoke pot choke on handle."


"Ok for shit to happen . . . will decompose."


"Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache."


"Sailor who gets discharged from navy leave buddies behind."


"Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk."


"Don't drink and park, accidents cause people."


"He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty doublecrosser."


"Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"


"It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."


"Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed."


"Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary."


"Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons."


"Confucius say too God damn much!"


"Those who quote me are fools."


"Man who drive like hell bound to get there!"


"Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!"


"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"


"Man who sit on tack get point!"


"Man who runs behind car gets exhausted!"


"Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!"


"War not determine who's right, war determines who's left."


"Woman who goes to man's apartment for snack, gets titbit"


"Man who lay woman on ground, get piece on earth."


"Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag."


"Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face."


"Passionate kiss like spider web -- lead to undoing of fly."


"Man with holes in pants pockets, feels cocky all day."


"Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night"


"Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing."


"Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok"


"Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time."


"Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent