The Top 15 Signs You're Having Trouble Adjusting to College

15> You just can't get your day going without the morning announcements and Pledge of Allegiance.


14> Despite your having the hottest live dorm sex-cam on campus, the other kids at BYU just don't seem to accept you.


13> Forget the kegger with the Tri-Delts this Friday -- you've got some Ruminations to write!


12> Passing high school chemistry by sleeping with your teacher worked well, but the irony of passing freshman ethics by sleeping with your teacher is driving you nuts.


11> "Aww, c'mon guys. We just went out drinking last night!"


10> That backpack you made out of your blankie isn't fooling anyone.


9> Your fraternity brothers are doubting your claim that the rubber sheets are due to an allergy to cotton.


8> You're anxious to find out if you got an A on your cat-dissection project. But you're not taking a biology class, and your art professor seems to be avoiding you.


7> Due to a misunderstanding, your cramming for exams involves K-Y Jelly.


6> You think "carrying a full load" means you haven't had a girlfriend in awhile.


5> Animal Husbandry isn't exactly what you expected when you signed up for it.


4> The good news: You have a 3.5 average.


The bad news: That's your blood alcohol content.


3> You feel so awkward and unpopular that you quit the Young Republicans and join the Junior Reform Party.


2> The friendly wager you made with your new roommate about who would score first apparently has nothing to do with your Pokemon skills.


1> Your mother turns on Dateline's story about college binge drinking just in time to see you vomit on Jane Pauley.


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[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]