The Top 15 Signs Your Roommate Is Dead

15> He actually smells *better* these days.


14> She hasn't chattered incessantly during "Monday Night Football" for weeks.


13> Every time the phone rings, the caller ID says "GRIM REAPER."


12> You just blew this month's entire grocery budget on Glade plug-ins.


11> Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman show up with an extra pair of sunglasses to take him on a series of zany misadventures.


10> For the first time in years, your pay-per-view porn bill is less than your rent.


9> She usually just eats all your yogurt, but now she's trying to eat your brain.


8> Your date takes one look at him and asks, "What's Keith Richards doing here?"


7> Lately, she's become a little more receptive to your advances.


6> Roommate hanging a tie on the doorknob? Hot date.


Roommate hanging by his tie? Not so hot.


5> You don't remember buying a bean-bag chair.


4> Last week: Steady stream of cheerleaders going into his room with beer.


This week: Goth chicks with chainsaws leaving his room with small bundles wrapped in plastic.


3> The cleaning lady has started tacking on a $50 "heebie-jeebie fee."


2> Note on fridge: "Rent will be late, like me."


1> He's won a record 147 straight staring contests.


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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]