The Top 16 Celebrity Contributions to Humanity

16> Peter Jackson -- Made 99 percent of men the world over look slim, well-groomed and stylish!


15> Paris Hilton -- Reached out to the youth of rural America and gave them an alternative to sleeping with their 4-H projects.


14> Donald Trump -- Showed us all what a bad hair day *really* is.


13> Francis Ford Coppola -- Produced a wine that should only take a year to ferment, but instead takes five years and comes in $10,000,000 over budget.


12> Pam Anderson -- Quietly and without complaint, she volunteered to store the nation's silicone surplus.


11> The Rock -- Steered evolution back toward important genetic mate-selection features like eyebrow-muscle control.


10> Rush Limbaugh -- Has assisted bulimics for 20 years and counting.


9> Kim Basinger and Angelina Jolie -- Showed society that girls with unsightly, overweight lips can lead normal, healthy lives.


8> Alec Baldwin -- Taught millions of Americans that the actual location of France is, in fact, right here in the good old USA.


7> Bill Gates -- Made home computing stable and problem-freERROR. THIS PROGRAM HAS PERFORMED AN ILLEGAL OPERATION AND WILL BE SHUT DOWN IMMEDIATELY.


6> Arnold Schwarzenegger -- Married the daughter of, and thus appeased, humanity's most dangerous enemy: Skeletor!


5> Anna Nicole Smith -- Proved once and for all that bigger isn't *always* better.


4> Michael Jackson -- Continuously provides tantalizing evidence of the possibility of extra-terrestrial life.


3> Jessica Simpson -- Proved to young girls everywhere that you can achieve anything if you just put your breasts to it.


2> Mel Gibson -- Alerted the world to the cruel and unusual nature of crucifixion, leading to the discontinuation of the practice in the United States.


1> Paul Lynde -- Invented the deadly art of Sneer Fu.


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[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]