The Top 15 Signs Santa's Elves Are Suffering From Career Burn-Out (Part II)

15> There's a two-month waiting list for Santa voodoo dolls at the North Pole employee gift shop.


14> All of this year's rocking horses are sporting a fifth "leg."


13> They punch out Santa's lights before he even gets to the second "ho."


12> Come Christmas morning, more than one unlucky tyke will be unwrapping a container of brown, smelly Play-Doh.


11> All the "Sorry!" games have been repackaged as "In Your Face, Loser!" games.


10> Rather than taking the time to master the latest technological advances, they simply pack every PlayStation 2 box with a Hustler and a jar of Vaseline.


9> Sewing a teddy bear is hard work. Catching a bear cub at the North Pole is easy. You do the math.


8> Rudolph, elated at finally being invited to join in some reindeer games, instead finds himself confronted by shotgun-toting elves.


7> Several of them were caught on video adding real urine to the "wet baby" dolls.


6> The See 'n Say little Allison received is teaching her that the duck says, "Santa blows," and the cow goes, "Get lost, kid."


5> Santa's elf-prepared road trip CD for Christmas Eve?
Nothin' but "It's a Small World."


4> Five of them pitched a new show to FOX: "Elf Eye for the Fat Guy."


3> Cigarette burns on Barbie's posterior.


2> The only reason they ride the Norelco shavers over the snow these days is to get to a liquor store.


1> This year the kids on the "naughty" list are receiving lumps of koala.


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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]