The Top 14 Things Overheard at the Cannes Film Festival

14> "Wow! 'The Matrix: Reloaded' was great! What did you think, Saddam?"


13> "Hey, who's the Girl Scout with Roman Polanski?"


12> "I laughed. I cried. I started handing out free deodorant."


11> "Amazing! It was nearly Sandlerian!"


10> "But monsieur, Tom Green is surely the greatest comic genius since Jerry Lewis!"


9> "Get the 'Jaws of Life.' Someone's got his lips vapor-locked to Scorsese's ass again."


8> "Monsieur Stallone! More ice water, maintenant!"


7> "I swear, if zey make us sit through another Keanu Reeves movie, we're taking back ze Statue of Liberty."


6> "No Milk Duds or Raisinets? You call this a film festival?!?"


5> "Every year these Americans show up, and this town reeks of soap and shampoo for a month afterwards."


4> "I surrender -- to the charm of this film!"


3> "I'm afraid your visits to the concession counter are affecting the tides, Monsieur Ebert."


2> "I presented myself the Palme d'Rouge last night!"


1> "Yes, your breasts are quite impressive -- but it's usually the women who go topless here, Mr. Goodman."


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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]