The Top 14 Signs Your Invention Is a Failure

14> You ask your robot caddy for a sand wedge and it hands you a tuna on rye.


13> The taste tests went well, and "SARS BARS" rhymed and everything...


12> Even Ralph Kramden turned you down for financing.


11> Your "Windshield Vaseline," while it does make the road look younger, has unfortunate side effects.


10> Your best remaining hope for commercialization: "Miller's Genuine Cold Fusion Draft."


9> It's hard to unfold a chocolate umbrella.


8> Two years later, and there are *still* no Segway-only traffic lanes.


7> "Watson, come here; I'm bleeding!"


6> Public debate regarding gun control aside, there simply is no ready market for your "Salad Stunner."


5> Despite the celebrity tie-in, your freezers are crammed with unsold "Gary Burghoff Frozen Gourmet Dinners."


4> Your "Kiwi Karving Kit" continues to be badly outsold at Halloween by those damn pumpkin traditionalists.


3> By law, you must print "Patent Forcibly Declined" on your invention.


2> Your product's catch phrase is: "Set it, read pages 11 through 26 in the owner's manual, and forget it!"


1> In hindsight, labeling your item as "Small enough to fit inside a hollowed-out human head!" might not have been the best marketing decision.


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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]