The Top 14 Signs You're Married to a Liberal

14> In your wedding vows, "love, honor, and cherish" were replaced with "legitimize, empower, and respect her reproductive freedom."


13> Pile of burned Ken Starr effigies in the back yard is starting to block the sun.


12> Supports Al Gore for President in 2000, but has no idea why.


11> After a poor performance in the bedroom, you find yourself enrolled in a federal program to correct your shortcomings.


10> To rectify years of persecution to women, she makes you wipe your own ass.


9> Misses your funeral to protest the harsh sentence given your killer.


8> You casually mention your "Euthanize the Homeless" idea and -- BANG! -- no sex for a month.


7> What, the family budget is *BALANCED*? Quick, let's get to the mall and buy something!


6> Insists his socks are not mismatched, they're "diverse."


5> He was a tireless advocate of gun control until the impeachment hearings started. Now he owns a rocket launcher.


4> At the height of passion, cries out, "Tax me!!!"


3> It's bad enough that he looks like an extra from "Deliverance" -- now he can't keep his loudmouth Cajun trap shut on those talk shows.


2> Constantly pelts your cats with ketchup, screeching, "Fur is murder!"


1> She's got the kids playing "Barbaric Imperialists and Innocent Native Americans" again.


[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]


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