14> With optional metal probe, Microsoft's "Explorer" now explores more than just web sites.
13> Recycle Bin inexplicably replaced with an angry monkey.
12> Built-in Excel macro calculates *exactly* how many times Bill Gates can buy your sorry ass.
11> Calls your mother every time you log into porn sites.
10> Now incompatible with *all* hardware and software, instead of just the ones that I buy.
9> Crumple zones!
8> New "No Monopoly To See Here" background featuring a scrolling "Gee you're looking very lovely today, Ms. Reno" message and a dewy-eyed Bill Gates cursor.
7> Helpfully locates and destroys all non-Microsoft software on your computer.
6> Illegal operation error message now includes WAV file saying, "I can't do that, Dave."
5> Final installation screen displays the message: "Thank you for upgrading to Windows 2000. Windows will now restart your machine and render your programs useless."
4> First 3,500 customers to purchase Windows 2000 receive 12 free hours of antitrust litigation from Microsoft lawyers!
3> Crashes *twice* as fast as Windows 98!
2> New "Gatesland, Gatesland uber alles" welcome screen.
1> Free technical support until 1901!
[ The Top 5 List ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
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