13. There go your chances of ever being on "American Idol."
12. Telltale pork rind crumbs always get trapped in that mustache.
11. Saddam #18 never rinses out the mustache after he's done with it.
10. You're the one who always gets stuck signing autographed pictures for Michael Moore and Sean Penn.
9. You only get to sleep with wives #201 and higher.
8. Because he thinks your wave on TV was effeminate, "Your kittens must die!"
7. Your lucrative Iraqi Elvis impersonation career has been put on indefinite hold.
6. Saddam insists you stay every night and practice the mirror routine from "Duck Soup" with him.
5. You have to kiss Chirac on the lips whenever he's in town.
4. You're always getting into scuffles with your neighbor, the George W. Bush body double.
3. Sure, you look like him. Yes, you've got the mustache. But, for crying out loud, you're his *mother*!
2. The demand for accuracy requires penis-reduction surgery.
1. Your brother, who looks just like Hugh Hefner, keeps sending Ramadan cards from the Playboy mansion.
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