The Top 13 Signs Your House May Be Haunted

13> Well, *something's* controlling the little people inside that big box.

12> Plumbers can't find source of that blood leak.

11> Every morning your 14-year-old son wakes up in a pool of what appears to be ectoplasm.

10> There's red stuff oozing from the walls, and even though it *is* the old Heinz family mansion, you're still plenty freaked.

9> Note on fridge: "GET OUT!!! (and we're out of Dijon mustard)"

8> You live alone, yet when you sing in the shower you get back-up vocals in four-part harmony.

7> Jerry Garcia is always demanding the last slice of pizza.

6> Every night at midnight, your dog starts whining and licking your hand and-- wait a minute, YOU DON'T HAVE A DOG!

5> The toilet's talking in tongues.

4> Bloody body parts on floor spell "Get out!" And you're pretty sure that when you left them they spelled "Try and stop me!"

3> The trash takes itself to the curb every Thursday morning when it knows damn well that trash day is Wednesday.

2> The source of that squeaky noise? Squirrels in tinfoil hats.

1> The eyes in that creepy portrait follow you across the room, down the hall, through the garage door, into the car, and buckle themselves into the passenger seat.

[ The Top 5 List ]

[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

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