The pianist

A restaurateur needs to do something to get his business to pick up a bit, so he decides to open a piano bar. He puts an ad in the paper for a piano player and holds an audition. Unfortunately most of the applicants really aren't that good and just as he is about to give up and go home, a young man rushes in and asks if the auditions are still open. The restaurateur figures what the heck, what's one more, so he's says wearily, "OK kid, can you play some classical music for me?"

The young man sits down at the piano and plays the most beautiful classical music the restaurateur has ever heard, however he doesn't recognize the piece, so when the kid ends he says," Wow kid that was fantastic, but what is the name of that song?" The kid said,"Oh I wrote that myself. It's called *your mother's bloody tampon*." The restaurateur does a double take and says, "Excuse me?" and the kid says, "That's the name of the song: *Your mother's bloody tampon*."

The restaurateur simply doesn't know what to say in response, so he asks the kid if he can play some jazz and again the kid proceeds to sit down and just blow this guy's socks off with snazziest jazz he's ever heard. But the restaurateur doesn't recognize this piece either, so when the kid finishes he says," What can I say kid? You're brilliant! But I've never heard that piece before: what's it called?" the young man smiles and says "Oh that's because I wrote that too. It's called *I'm fucking your dog*".

The restaurateur says, "Look kid I want to hire you so bad, but the names of your songs, well they're atrocious. I'll hire you, but only under one condition: you can *never*, I mean *never*, tell any of the patrons at the restaurant the names of any of your songs. Do we have a deal?" The young man says, "Sure no problem."

The restaurateur says, "OK then come to the restaurant at 8 pm ready to play. You'll play for 2 hours, take half hour break, and then when you comeback you just take requests until closing time."

So the young man does his first shift, the crowd loves him, and after 2 hours announces, "Ladies and gentleman, I'm going to take a half hour break, and when I come back, I'll take requests for whatever you want to hear."

So he goes on his break, gets a bite to eat, goes out for a smoke and then figures he better hit the can real quick before he has to go back out. He comes out of the bathroom, goes back onto the stage and announces, "OK I'm back! Does anyone have a song they'd like me to play?"

A guy in the front says, "Psst. Buddy do you know your fly is open and your dick is hanging out?"

The piano man beams," Know it? Heck, I wrote it!"