The Hunter and the Bear

Once there was this hunter, out in the forest, hunting bears.


As the hunter approached a clearing in the forest, he saw a bear. One of the biggest bears he'd ever seen. So he crouches down behind a largish rock, takes careful aim with his shotgun, and fires. After the smoke clears, he runs down tothe clearing, and the bear's body is gone!


He searches the clearing, but to no avail. Then there's a tap-tap-tap on his shoulder. The hunter looks around, and it's the bear! "You just tried to kill me, didn't you?". Says the bear."Uh, no. No I didn't". The hunter, taken aback by a talking bear, lies."Yes you did. Don't lie, or I'll rip your arms off" "Uh, yeah, yeah I did." "Alright", says, the bear, "I'll let you go if you do one thing for me." "What's that?", inquires the hunter. "Give me a head-job." "What??" "On your knees" So, the hunter obliges, and leaves the clearing.


Well, the hunter's pissed-off. "Humiliated by a bear!", he thinks to himself. "I'll teach that bastard". He runs to the local town, and buys an Uzi sub-machine gun, and runs back to the clearing. The bear is still there, basking in the sun. "I've got you now, bear", the hunter says to himself, andopens fire from behind the rock.


Again, after the smoke clears, the hunter runs down to the clearing. No bear. Tap-tap-tap on his shoulder. Gulp. "You just tried to kill me again, didn't you?". Says the bear. "Uh, no. No I didn't", lies the hunter. "Yes you did. Don't lie, or I'll rip your legs off" "Ok! I did." "Alright", says, the bear, "I'll let you go if you do one thing for me." "What's that?", inquires the hunter. "Drop your pants and bend over" "No way!" "Ok. Prepare to get your legs ripped off." "Alright! I'll do it, you bastard" So, the hunter obliges, and leaves the clearing, walking rather gingerly.


"I'll fucking get the bastard this time", the hunter thinks to himself, and buys a rocket launcher. He runs back to the clearing, and blasts everything into oblivion. Trees are on fire, rocks are broken, the ground is scorched. Again, after the smoke clears, the hunter runs down to the clearing. No bear.


Tap-tap-tap on his shoulder. Gulp. "You're not here for the hunting, are you?", says the bear.