Ten signs you've joined a cheap HMO

#10. Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters.


#9. Directions to your doctor's office include, 'take a left when you enter the trailer park.'


#8. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.


#7. The only proctologist in the plan is 'Gus' from Roto-Rooter.


#6. The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is 'an apple a day.'


#5. Your 'primary care physician' is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.


#4. 'The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges' is not a typo.


#3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming fluid.


#2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little 'm's on them.


#1. You ask for Viagra; you get a popsicle stick and duct tape.