Stupid as in Not Smart Part SIX!

My company posted a notice next to the time clock. It said the
company calendar had a typo, that the union-won holiday wasn't
really a holiday at all. The company blamed the printer for this
mistake. (Nice try.)


But that's not the funny part. The first line of the notice
said, "Please Take Notice." So the guy standing next to me took
it.


True Tale 2
-----------
There are two doors in the restroom at work. One is the exit and
the other, on the other side of the room, is a closet. The
closet door is clearly labeled "closet."


The other day I was using the restroom and I heard an
Induhvidual open a door and exclaim, "Darn it! That's the closet
again!"


True Tale 3
-----------
My boss had recently learned how to use spreadsheet software. He
proudly called me into his office to show me a new trick he'd
learned. At one point during his demonstration he was moving his
mouse toward himself and it reached the edge of his desk. I
watched in amazement as he deftly rolled his mouse around the
edge of the desk and underneath.


I stifled my giggling and politely said, "You know, you don't
need to do that with the mouse." Whereupon he took offense and
said, "I know. I usually grab a book and put it next to the desk
and roll the mouse onto it, but I just can't reach my books
right now." I said, "Yeah, that's what I do," and excused myself
before I broke a rib trying not to laugh.


True Tale 4
-----------
I attend one of the top universities in the UK. My housemate
recently surpassed his usual high standard of stupidity. He
needed to open a bottle. After hanging around looking helpless,
someone handed him a wine opener (the corkscrew type) that had a
bottle opener on one end. My housemate disappeared for five
minutes and reappeared with an apologetic look on his face.
"I've broken it. I'm sorry."


Under questioning he confessed that he had been trying to screw
the corkscrew through the top of the metal bottle cap.


True Tale 5
-----------
A VP of our company stood up at our company meeting and asked
all employees to look over the new website to make sure it was
"grammerly correct."


True Tale 6
-----------
Recently the Southern Hemisphere was treated to a total lunar
eclipse. During this event one Induhvidual standing in my street
suggested that we photograph it. Someone explained that the moon
would be difficult to photograph because it was completely
darkened by the shadow of Earth. Her response was, "What about
if I use the flash?"


True Tale 7
-----------
A customer returned to our wireless phone store with the phone
she had recently purchased. She complained that the phone worked
fine for the first two days and then suddenly went dead. I asked
her how long she had charged the battery. She replied, "What do
you mean, charge?"


Upon further interrogation it became clear that she thought the
one- year warranty on the battery meant it would last that long.


True Tale 8
-----------
This is a True Tale that involves a sign I spotted nailed to a
tree along a dirt road somewhere in Iowa:


I lost 75 lbs. Free Samples! 555-1212


True Tale 9
------------
I work at a secure R&D facility in the electronics industry. One
day a sign at the guard's desk located in the front lobby said,
"Guard is on rounds. Visitors wait here!"


Being an upstanding DNRC member, I took it upon myself to add
(in big, bold letters) "...and don't steal my laptop!!!"


True Tale 10
------------
About four years ago we had a multiple choice test for one of
our digital design subjects. A friend of mine had no clue in
this subject but could clearly see the answers of the person to
his left. So he copied them.


At the end of the exam we were informed that there were TWO
tests, alternating by row! He had cheated off the wrong test!


But he got a good grade anyway!! Why? Because the person he had
cheated off had cheated off the person sitting next to him!
Moral of the story: Two Induhviduals make a right.


True Tale 11
------------
The other day at the gas station, while waiting in line to pay
for my gas, I commented to another customer how expensive
gasoline had become. Her reply was, "You know, it doesn't really
affect me; I always put in twenty dollars every time I gas up."


True Tale 12
------------
I was in a meeting with a manager - one of those meetings where
the sole purpose is for her to make a speech and everyone to be
impressed - and she showed an example of how the figures would
be added up. It became apparent that she had no idea how you add
or subtract negative numbers. I pointed out that the result of
her first example was wrong. What followed was a lively debate
on how you are meant to add or subtract negative numbers. The
prevailing opinion was that there wasn't just one correct way of
doing it, so all the different manufacturers of calculators went
with their own conventions. I was told that my calculator worked
differently than hers. (And how many meetings have you been to
that included a concurrent test of two calculators?)


The meeting ended with her bemoaning the fact that she wasn't
getting any "buy-in" for her idea. A few days later she
received, anonymously, a picture of Prof. Stephen Hawking, with
the caption, "You must be at least this smart to invent your own
branch of math."


True Tale 13
------------
An Induhvidual in my physics class did his math with a pen. He
had to use lots of Liquid Paper to cover the mistakes. It was
recommended to him that he use a pencil. The next day I saw him
covering his pencil marks with Liquid Paper.


True Tale 14
------------
A few days ago I went to the copy place. I needed 80 copies. The
guy told me that if I made fewer than 100 copies, each copy
would cost 4 cents. But if I made at least 100 copies I would
get the discounted rate of 2 cents per copy.


I told him to make 80 copies of the front of the document and
make 20 copies of the blank back. I could use the blank paper
later on for other purposes. He probably never thought of this
situation before; he gave me an angry look but copied the
documents anyway.


True Tale 15
------------
This is a direct quote from a newsletter I just received. It is
the summer vacation edition and includes this tip on a list of
"Luggage-Packing Secrets of the Pros."


"SECRET TIP #3: Double the security of luggage padlocks with
economical electrical ties. Since they must be cut to be
removed, they're tamper-evident. (Remember to pack scissors!)"


Um...and where do you pack those scissors?


True Tale 16
------------
After pulling a ditsy temp secretary off phone duty (she put my
phone number instead of the caller's on phone messages), I
assigned her to something safe: labeling files. This task did
not include the filing itself, which would have required a
thorough grasp of the alphabet; it only involved affixing
colorful self-adhesive labels to the outside edge of each file
indicating the contract number. The Induhvidual cheerfully
labeled throughout the afternoon, completing 150 files. The next
day, my regular secretary asked why our files had been sealed
closed with colorful self-adhesive labels.


True Tale 17
------------
This is one I actually heard several years ago.


"We've got to separate the weed from the shaft."