St. Peter at the Gates

St. Peter is at the gates to Heaven, checking people in. A man approaches, and St. Peter asks him for his name, and then asks how he died.

The man says, "Well, I was positive that my wife was cheating on me but I couldn't prove it. This morning I tell my wife I'm going to be tied up on meetings at work all day, but instead come home just an hour after I left. She meets me in the hallway, surprised, nervous, and with messy hair. I demand to know where the guy she's been screwing is, but she denies it all. I KNOW he must be still in the apartment, so I charge around looking through all the rooms, the closets, everywhere, but I can't find him. Finally I notice that, out on the balcony, there's a pair of hands holding right on to the edge. Furious, I run out and try to stamp on this fuckers hands, but he won't let go. I try throwing the patio furniture at him, but he hangs on. I grab the chairs from the living room, the side tables, the TV, everything within reach, but this son of a bitch is like a monkey and just holds on. Finally I grab the fridge from the kitchen, pull it out on to the porch and tip it over and that finally knocks the guy off and he plunges 10 stories to his death. But all this put too much of a strain on me and I have a heart attack."

St. Peter is astounded by the tale but tells the man that since he committed murder he's bound for the place below.

The next man in line approaches and St. Peter asks his name and how he died.

The man says, "I was in my apartment watching some cable when I suddenly hear a bru-ha-ha from the neighbors below me. I hear shouting and crashing but I can't really hear what they're saying. Taken by curiosity, I go out to my balcony and lean over to get a better vantage point. Unfortunately, I lean out too far and fall over the railing. Amazingly, I'm able to catch the ledge of the balcony below me. As I'm hanging there trying to get the energy to pull myself up, the man in the apartment suddenly comes out and starts screaming at me. He tries to stamp on my hands, but I hold on desperately. He throws the patio furniture at me, but I shrug it off. He starts throwing other chairs, tables, even the TV. Finally, he dumps his refrigerator over the edge and that does it for me, I'm knocked off and plunge 10 stories to my death.

St. Peter is amazed at this tale and, seeing that there is no other unforgiven sins, sends the man on to Heaven.

The next man approaches and St. Peter asks his name and how he died.

The man says, "Okay, so there I am, minding my own business in this refrigerator..."