*I've decided to sell my hoover... well, it was just collecting dust. -Tim Vine
*I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set. -Masai Graham
*Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief. -Mark watson
*I Wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me. -Ria Lina
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