1."I've decided to sell my Hoover ... well, it was just collecting dust" - Tim Vine.
2."I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set" - Masai Graham.
3."Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief" - Mark Watson.
4."I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s" - Bec Hill.
5."I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me" - Ria Lina.
6."Money can't buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal" - Paul F Taylor.
7."Scotland had oil, but it's running out thanks to all that deep frying" - Scott Capurro.
=8."I forgot my inflatable Michael Gove, which is a shame 'cause halfway through he disappears up his own a***hole" - Kevin Day.
=8."I've been married for 10 years, I haven't made a decision for seven" - Jason Cook.
10."This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it" - Felicity Ward.
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